Month: October 2025

1. What was your final thesis statement? Paste, then analyze its strengths & weaknesses in a focused paragraph (considering specificity, taking a stance, narrow focus, needing evidence to defend).

Thesis: I agree that the way people express empathy today is biased and narrow but could be redefined to be used as a tool to build community. 

I think my thesis is strong because it gives main points such as being biased and narrow that could use supporting evidence, but then how I said it could be used as a tool to build community which could use explaining in the writing. I didn’t take a specific stance because I had a hard time finding where I agree most, so I focused on redefining empathy and talking about the good and bad aspects of it, but I think I would have made a better argument picking one side and focusing on that. 

2. In a separate paragraph, describe what you learned or were reminded of about your own writing process, from completing this essay. 

I think the most helpful thing I learned to do from this is write a messy draft just to get all the ideas I have down, and not look at it for a bit of time and then come back and add more ideas or edit the ideas I previously had until I had a draft. I’m confident about it. I wrote a super messy first draft and went through and revised a new paragraph on different days so I only had to work on one section at a time and my thoughts didn’t get scrambled.  

3. In another paragraph: Which aspect of revision did you focus on most? What changes or adjustments made your essay stronger? Be specific. 

The areas I focused on most were making better transitions and adding more “I say” into my writing. My piece was very source heavy and it made it sound more like a research assignment instead of a personal essay. I started off highlighting the authors voices in different colors so I knew who I referred to most and who was best supporting my voice, this also helped me get a visual on just how much they say there was compared to how little I say there was. If there was a specific quote or section I would read it and respond to it like a question, and that helped me put my voice in there. 

4. How might you approach our next paper differently, from pre-reading and annotating, all the way through completion of your final draft? 

In the next essay I want to focus more on my own connection to the writings, because it is easier for me to add supporting evidence after than to find a place to add my own voice. I made connections on the readings for the first essay but next time I would find specific examples of times I related to the topic in my life. I think when I have more balance in my essay the transitions from what they say to what I say will be smoother as well, which is something I also need to focus on. 

1. In David Foster Wallace’s commencement speech, he makes a very strong statement. He starts off with a story, about an older fish swimming past the younger fish and asking ”How’s the water”, the younger fish don’t yet know what the water is. The first point Wallace makes that catches my attention is that college teaches you how to think of what you want to think about, for all of college you study with the idea of your diploma in mind, and nothing else. Another  example of thinking how we want is found in his example where a religious man and an atheist man have a conversation about god, the atheist man was lost in a terrible blizzard and prayed that if god were real, he would help him. Eventually help came his way. While to the religious man, his prayer was answered, the atheist still doesn’t believe in god. This is because they have taught themselves to think differently. Wallace previously says [….Liberal arts education is not so much about filling you up with knowledge as it is about “teaching you how to think.” If you’re like me as a student, you’ve never liked hearing this, and you tend to feel a bit insulted by the claim that you needed anybody to teach you how to think……] (Wallace 1) this quote ties well into Wallace’s second point that is we only think of ourselves. If we are hungry, if we have had a long day, or if we are in a rush, we ignore the people around us and ignore the fact that they might be experiencing the same thing, possibly worse. He talks about how we think we are the center of the universe, this is because we are each our own person, and we are the only people living our exact lives, so naturally Wallace thinks this is our “default setting”. 

The third and largest point is to acknowledge the people around you and understand that everyone is their own individual person. To be empathetic for those around you, and how that will embrace a more positive outlook of your life. Also understanding that there are people going through worse things and it is important to stay humble and be kind to those around you. My initial reaction to this piece was confused, I didn’t understand where it was going until I really read it. Although this speech strongly leads towards empathy, he makes a point where he says “It takes will and effort, and if you are like me, some days you won’t be able to do it, or you just flat out won’t want to” which i think is the reality of the idea, sometimes the weight of thinking about others and their struggles is just too much. As I read more and more into the piece the different ideas started to come together, and the message became clear. 

2. I absolutely agree with Wallace’s argument, surprisingly this isn’t the stance i planned to take but this speech really swayed my opinion. I always think about others and the fact that they have a whole life we don’t know about by just walking past them, but I also think that looking too far into others’ negativity can take away your own positivity.  Wallace argues that only looking at your own life is negative, but if we all understood that we are all facing our own experiences, we would be more positive. 
3. Yes, I think Wallace is strongly hinting at empathy and kindness towards one another. He deeply describes the selfishness in the world and at one point says “This is an example of how NOT to think” and how we think our frustrations should be the world’s priority. If we changed the way we think however there would be a lot more noticeable kindness in people’s actions and reactions. 
4. “It is about the real value of a real education, which has almost nothing to do with knowledge, and everything to do with simple awareness; awareness of what is so real and essential, so hidden in plain sight all around us, all the time, that we have to keep reminding ourselves over and over” 

I agree with this part of his speech a lot, not only because it talks about how knowledge doesn’t tell you how to treat others but also that we are so unaware about the people around us that most of the time we are negative, because we have to wait in line for a while for example. When in reality, most of the people around us are going through the same thoughts. If we just reminded ourselves that we are all going through something we could let it go, and enjoy the things actually happening. 

5. In my eyes these pieces are polar opposites, but they compliment each other and both make good points, Bloom’s article discusses how other people’s weight can weigh you down as well because you feel like you have to experience pain with them, but connecting that to Wallace’s speech, if we all acknowledge each other’s pain we would all feel support and love from the community.