Category: Uncategorized (Page 1 of 2)

During high school and throughout the beginning of the semester I had no idea how to peer review. All I was taught to do was to look for grammar mistakes. However, throughout the semester I have learned that’s not what it Is at all. Ive learned that peer review is getting an opinion on your piece from the readers perspective. I have learned a ton from peer review this semester because although I’m only getting feedback on one piece, it reminds me on what I could fix in future pieces, for example the amount of they say vs. I say in my pieces. Although I don’t have examples of comments from my first writing piece, a lot of the comments were where I should add more source voice or my voice. During the second essay I felt although my piece was a lot stronger. I figured out how to find evidence to match my ideas and not limit them. some of the comment I received were focused on transitions and ways to make my ideas clearer.

Hearing someone else’s opinion on my writing has been really helpful because it lets me know if my ideas are clear and understandable to the reader or if I could rephrase things and make them better. I also found reading others work to be interesting because it shows you ideas that are creative and might not have thought of. When I was reading Emilias draft for the second essay she used an example of Newtons Law which really got my attention because it wasn’t anything I was expecting to see. I thought it was really creative and interesting to see the many ways she hooked the reader. Below is an example of Emilias work.

Reading her work also helped me reflect on mine and where I could improve. sometimes when reading others work I realize areas I might have missed or forgotten about like sources I needed or examples. I look forward to getting feedback on my essays now because it has taught me to be confident in my work and having others read it and I’m getting genuine feedback.

At the beginning of this semester, I had a lot of reading to do for my classes. I had a textbook and lots of work for every class. It was stressful to manage. Something I learned that helped me was active reading. In class we learned how to preview texts and understand what we were looking for. Another thing that helped is reading any questions or prompts I might have to think about prior too, so I know the purpose of why I’m reading. These minor changes in my mindset have helped me be more attentive to the text. Another skill I have learned throughout the semester that goes with active reading is annotating. Annotative the text is a huge help because it reminds me what the text is saying without re-reading the whole thing, and also helps be make personal connections to the text that I can use later in projects.

These were my annotations for “The Hawk” by Brian Doyle even after we talked about it as a class. Before going over it with the class I didn’t have a good understanding of the text and I had a hard time seeing all the different perspectives. After going over it with the class I Understood the perspectives, but could explain where they came from myself. This shows how personalized annotations can be to remind you what you are reading and make that personal connection. As we started learning about the different types of annotations and how to preview texts, I had way more understanding of what the writer was saying and the deeper meaning of it.

Here, you can see different annotations such as (Ext) where I extend on the authors ideas or (Ch) where I challenge them with my own perspective. Learning different types of annotations has really helped me break town texts better and understand the deeper meaning. Understanding the reading better through annotations has also helped me response to reading questions. The text I felt most connected to had to be “Joy” by Zadie Smith because it dives deep into personal aspects of her life and what joy really means to her. This helped me realize all the things that I consider joy in my life.

This image shows a reading response to Smiths piece that demonstrates a good understanding of the text. I achieved this through active reading and annotating.

At the beginning of the semester, I wasn’t confident in my writing. I wasn’t sure how to structure my paragraphs or make strong sentences. When it came to writing I would write down all my ideas in paragraphs and not pay attention to the organization or what point I was trying to get across. An example of the first time I felt confident in my revision was the first essay. Below is an example of my unorganized, scattered introduction.

Throughout the semester, I participated in writing lab. I found this to be very helpful because I learned about essay structure and how to make my claims clear. My writing had no specific focus, but I learned that through organization and structure my writing can be very strong and get my ideas through to the reader. My biggest area of revision is my thesis. I never understood how to properly write a thesis and the purpose. In my revised version, my thesis makes a clear argument and takes a stance.

My final version of my introduction clearly introduces all of my sources and my thesis takes a clear stance. This gives the reader context about what they are reading and how I feel about the topic. Another thing I used to help build better essay structure is the “They Say I Say” book. It provided a lot of detail on how to make my writing stronger. Now, I write down all my ideas and then take some time away from my work. When I go to revise, I look at each paragraph and figure out what point I was trying to get across, and make a claim for each paragraph. This helped me center each paragraph and help me find the personal examples and evidence I would use.

The argument in my essay is, joy is an intense and difficult emotion to manage. However, it is necessary in our lives. Altering the way we address challenges in our lives can help us see the joy in sorrowful moments. In my essay my strongest argument supporting my thesis is the passing of my grandfather. I chose this example because relating joy to a passing isn’t normalized, but it should be in some ways. For how extremely devastating and heartbreaking loss is, we only feel these strong emotions for the people we love. When I remember my grandfather, I remember all the good times I had with him, and the forever lasting impact he has made in my life. I remember when I was little, I used to sneak up the stairs in my grandparents house and try to scare him while he was laying in bed watching tv. This memory is so funny to me because I thought I was being sneaky, but when I was old enough he admitted he always knew I was there, trying to sneak up on him. My grandfather always brought our family together and growing up that is something I’ll always be thankful for, when our family is together we can always look back on how joyful he was. He was strong and determined. I see characteristics of my grandfather in my dad, and I am extremely glad that I have had my grandfather as such a good role model in my life and that my dad is one too. Whenever I think about my grandfather there’s a pit in my stomach knowing I’ll never see him again, but a reassuring feeling knowing that I’ll never forget him. He’s always in our family, because he built our family and brought it together. My dad has also impacted the way I think of this, he has always said he wants us to remember him for the good times we have had. Instead of the loss and pain the family endured. I think this is my best argument because the people you love make a lifelong impact and the pain of loss is like no other, but it’s worth it to love someone and experience and reflect on the joy they have brought you for life. My evidence most definitely supports my argument and I believe the other examples I use also support my argument and go well with the evidence I chose.

1. What was your final thesis statement? Paste, then analyze its strengths & weaknesses in a focused paragraph (considering specificity, taking a stance, narrow focus, needing evidence to defend).

Thesis: I agree that the way people express empathy today is biased and narrow but could be redefined to be used as a tool to build community. 

I think my thesis is strong because it gives main points such as being biased and narrow that could use supporting evidence, but then how I said it could be used as a tool to build community which could use explaining in the writing. I didn’t take a specific stance because I had a hard time finding where I agree most, so I focused on redefining empathy and talking about the good and bad aspects of it, but I think I would have made a better argument picking one side and focusing on that. 

2. In a separate paragraph, describe what you learned or were reminded of about your own writing process, from completing this essay. 

I think the most helpful thing I learned to do from this is write a messy draft just to get all the ideas I have down, and not look at it for a bit of time and then come back and add more ideas or edit the ideas I previously had until I had a draft. I’m confident about it. I wrote a super messy first draft and went through and revised a new paragraph on different days so I only had to work on one section at a time and my thoughts didn’t get scrambled.  

3. In another paragraph: Which aspect of revision did you focus on most? What changes or adjustments made your essay stronger? Be specific. 

The areas I focused on most were making better transitions and adding more “I say” into my writing. My piece was very source heavy and it made it sound more like a research assignment instead of a personal essay. I started off highlighting the authors voices in different colors so I knew who I referred to most and who was best supporting my voice, this also helped me get a visual on just how much they say there was compared to how little I say there was. If there was a specific quote or section I would read it and respond to it like a question, and that helped me put my voice in there. 

4. How might you approach our next paper differently, from pre-reading and annotating, all the way through completion of your final draft? 

In the next essay I want to focus more on my own connection to the writings, because it is easier for me to add supporting evidence after than to find a place to add my own voice. I made connections on the readings for the first essay but next time I would find specific examples of times I related to the topic in my life. I think when I have more balance in my essay the transitions from what they say to what I say will be smoother as well, which is something I also need to focus on. 

1. In David Foster Wallace’s commencement speech, he makes a very strong statement. He starts off with a story, about an older fish swimming past the younger fish and asking ”How’s the water”, the younger fish don’t yet know what the water is. The first point Wallace makes that catches my attention is that college teaches you how to think of what you want to think about, for all of college you study with the idea of your diploma in mind, and nothing else. Another  example of thinking how we want is found in his example where a religious man and an atheist man have a conversation about god, the atheist man was lost in a terrible blizzard and prayed that if god were real, he would help him. Eventually help came his way. While to the religious man, his prayer was answered, the atheist still doesn’t believe in god. This is because they have taught themselves to think differently. Wallace previously says [….Liberal arts education is not so much about filling you up with knowledge as it is about “teaching you how to think.” If you’re like me as a student, you’ve never liked hearing this, and you tend to feel a bit insulted by the claim that you needed anybody to teach you how to think……] (Wallace 1) this quote ties well into Wallace’s second point that is we only think of ourselves. If we are hungry, if we have had a long day, or if we are in a rush, we ignore the people around us and ignore the fact that they might be experiencing the same thing, possibly worse. He talks about how we think we are the center of the universe, this is because we are each our own person, and we are the only people living our exact lives, so naturally Wallace thinks this is our “default setting”. 

The third and largest point is to acknowledge the people around you and understand that everyone is their own individual person. To be empathetic for those around you, and how that will embrace a more positive outlook of your life. Also understanding that there are people going through worse things and it is important to stay humble and be kind to those around you. My initial reaction to this piece was confused, I didn’t understand where it was going until I really read it. Although this speech strongly leads towards empathy, he makes a point where he says “It takes will and effort, and if you are like me, some days you won’t be able to do it, or you just flat out won’t want to” which i think is the reality of the idea, sometimes the weight of thinking about others and their struggles is just too much. As I read more and more into the piece the different ideas started to come together, and the message became clear. 

2. I absolutely agree with Wallace’s argument, surprisingly this isn’t the stance i planned to take but this speech really swayed my opinion. I always think about others and the fact that they have a whole life we don’t know about by just walking past them, but I also think that looking too far into others’ negativity can take away your own positivity.  Wallace argues that only looking at your own life is negative, but if we all understood that we are all facing our own experiences, we would be more positive. 
3. Yes, I think Wallace is strongly hinting at empathy and kindness towards one another. He deeply describes the selfishness in the world and at one point says “This is an example of how NOT to think” and how we think our frustrations should be the world’s priority. If we changed the way we think however there would be a lot more noticeable kindness in people’s actions and reactions. 
4. “It is about the real value of a real education, which has almost nothing to do with knowledge, and everything to do with simple awareness; awareness of what is so real and essential, so hidden in plain sight all around us, all the time, that we have to keep reminding ourselves over and over” 

I agree with this part of his speech a lot, not only because it talks about how knowledge doesn’t tell you how to treat others but also that we are so unaware about the people around us that most of the time we are negative, because we have to wait in line for a while for example. When in reality, most of the people around us are going through the same thoughts. If we just reminded ourselves that we are all going through something we could let it go, and enjoy the things actually happening. 

5. In my eyes these pieces are polar opposites, but they compliment each other and both make good points, Bloom’s article discusses how other people’s weight can weigh you down as well because you feel like you have to experience pain with them, but connecting that to Wallace’s speech, if we all acknowledge each other’s pain we would all feel support and love from the community. 

1. In Paul Bloom’s piece “Is Empathy Overrated?”, he discussed 3 main views of empathy. Empathy is a way to encourage others to treat people as if others suffering was their own. Bloom’s first point states “Empathy distorts our moral judgment in pretty much the same way that prejudice does” (Bloom 2). Empathy is like a spotlight, in our lives, this spotlight only shines on the people we know and care for. We might empathize with one person more than the other based on our own opinion. Which takes away the purpose because empathy is supposed to be an act of kindness, not a choice based on what you do or don’t like. Which is Bloom’s second take on empathy. Bloom states “Empathy is a spotlight with a narrow focus; it shines brightly on those we love and gets dim for those who are different or strange” (Bloom 2). It’s easiest to empathize with these people because we have a closer connection with them. We also tend to empathize with people we share similarities with, Bloom himself writes “Intelectually, a white American might believe that a black person matters just as much as a white person, but he or she will typically find it a lot easier to empathize with the plight of the latter than the former” (Bloom 2). This explains that people typically find it easier to empathize with someone they share similar traits with or have more in common with. 

Bloom’s final point is that “What really matters for kindness may be self-control, intelligence and a more diffuse compassion” (Bloom 3). This section of the article dives into the reality of empathy in today’s world versus what it really should be. The first example Bloom discussed was a vaccine that made one girl really sick. Most people would want to act upon this, but if they took away the vaccine, 12 other children would die. While you can feel for the one girl and her family, it generally has to be statistics over opinion, or right versus wrong. A similar situation talked about is on page 4, Willie Horton was a convicted murder who was released on furlough, he ended up re-offending, harming society. This swayed people’s opinions because they blamed the government for this faulty mistake in which there is no one to blame. This caused governor Michael Dukakis’s attempt to run for president to fail, although the mistake is no one’s fault. While you can empathize with the victims of Hortons cases, you can’t eliminate the faulty cases in the system when it is overall protecting society. Overall this means you can feel for others, but you can’t necessarily act upon it. Therefore you have to give what the person you are emphasizing for wants, whether that be space or support.

2. I agree with blooms points, he does well at describing the reality of empathy in today’s world. The biggest take away is that you should be empathetic for anyone going through anything negative, but it’s just not possible, which is why we focus on our close groups. We also focus on what gets coverage on the news, instead of what doesn’t get coverage but might be the same situation. The world almost uses empathy as a way to sway people’s opinions. We also sometimes feel for others more or less based on the severity of the situation versus someone else’s. While I don’t think empathy is necessarily over rated, I think that it is over used to where the definition of empathy is society is a blur. 

3. Right away in the article, Bloom questions the reader, “Does empathy make the world a better place”? (Bloom 1) The answer to these questions is based on the reader’s definition of empathy, and how they use empathy. I view empathy as showing others you care, which to me would be asking what they need in their situation. Bloom challenged my thoughts when he wrote “Its far easier to empathize with those who are close to us, those who are similar to us, and those we see as more attractive or vulnerable and less scary”.(Bloom 2) This made me realize that I truly do only empathize with my close friends and family, and I wouldn’t feel the same for a stranger. But I might feel for someone who I look up to, but that is an example of something you can’t act upon because you aren’t close with that person. Bloom makes a good point when he talks about how someone’s actions might be helpful short term for someone but can lead to greater suffering in the future, or the other way around where suffering now might be better for someone’s future. An example Bloom used of the second idea would be making your kids do their homework, they are unhappy now but it will benefit them in the future. 

4. “The real problem is that we don’t have enough empathy for other people.” (Bloom 3) 

I both support and challenge this idea because I agree that there isn’t enough true empathy in the world, kindness alone expresses empathy to others which there isn’t enough of. But how do we spread more empathy towards the people we don’t know? How would we feel for someone we don’t have any relation or connection with? I think if empathy were more true and less of a way to get attention or make people feel bad for each other I would agree, but empathy being misused makes me believe it is over rated.